In my school, I am in a group called Writer's Guild. And now with the second semester, we meet every other day for an hour and a half each day so I get more time to write, and even have homework to write, so a lot more poems will be posted. This is an excerpt of a stroy that my teacher found and out job was to change it, and my friend and I did. We changed it a lot. Her name is Shayna K. The first passage is the original, and the second is our edited version. My teacher said this paragraph was meant to be a poem, and in some ways she's absolutely right.
Original:
'...Sparky just longed to gallop —– it seemed more natural. Suddenly the one, two and three, four of her cantering hooves vanished into a lift-off, a levitation I could feel the way you can feel the instant a plane lifts off or a roller coaster dips, and I’d be weightless, hardly resting in the saddle, my heart clop-clopping its own rapid gait as I hovered at a velocity only the tears that the wind jerked from my eyes revealed. In those moments — how long did they last? No more than a minute or two — Sparky and I flew and the earth vanished entirely beneath us. She had become Pegasus, the winged Greek horse, and I, a twelve-year-old-mortal, by some miracle, had been chosen to ride her....'
Our version:
I felt the horse transition into his smooth gait
It was like him and I were one, facing the world together
We were flying through a dream, Sparky and I,
Like he was Pegasus and I were his wings,
We had a natural connection
As if we were made to meet one another
The speed of his hooves set the pace of my heart
He is my miracle
And I cannot imagine my life without him.
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