Saturday, November 20, 2010

(This is an Assignment from School)

In my school, I am in a group called Writer's Guild. And now with the second semester, we meet every other day for an hour and a half each day so I get more time to write, and even have homework to write, so a lot more poems will be posted. This is an excerpt of a stroy that my teacher found and out job was to change it, and my friend and I did. We changed it a lot. Her name is Shayna K. The first passage is the original, and the second is our edited version. My teacher said this paragraph was meant to be a poem, and in some ways she's absolutely right.



Original:
'...Sparky just longed to gallop —– it seemed more natural. Suddenly the one, two and three, four of her cantering hooves vanished into a lift-off, a levitation I could feel the way you can feel the instant a plane lifts off or a roller coaster dips, and I’d be weightless, hardly resting in the saddle, my heart clop-clopping its own rapid gait as I hovered at a velocity only the tears that the wind jerked from my eyes revealed. In those moments — how long did they last? No more than a minute or two — Sparky and I flew and the earth vanished entirely beneath us. She had become Pegasus, the winged Greek horse, and I, a twelve-year-old-mortal, by some miracle, had been chosen to ride her....'

Our version:

I felt the horse transition into his smooth gait

It was like him and I were one, facing the world together

We were flying through a dream, Sparky and I,

Like he was Pegasus and I were his wings,

We had a natural connection

As if we were made to meet one another

The speed of his hooves set the pace of my heart

He is my miracle

And I cannot imagine my life without him.

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